Self-esteem

I hate myself right now ...
But there's something about me ... maybe something subtle ... that I've always sort of liked.

See, I know (and I've always known) that there's something of worth in me ... but I've never tried to define it.

I ask myself "what's wrong with me?" every. Single. Day.
Heck, I ask that question several times an hour.

But I've never asked "what's right with me?". Not until yesterday.

So ...

Whatever it is that I like sits between my shoulders. It's a way a carry myself, I think.
I'm soft. I can be tense, but that's very seldom the case.
I like Hawaiian shirts, shorts and flip flops.
I prefer to be comfortable.

I like that.
It's not that I'm always relaxed. In fact, that couldn't be further from the truth.
It's that I prefer life to be simple; I like life easy.

This is something that I exercise at work. I make life easier for my coworkers wherever I can.
I do it for myself, too. I cut through the tough spots first; and then I coast through whatever's left.

It's an active, unlazy dedication to making life easier in any and every way possible--for myself and for others.

That's one thing.

I've always had a developed sense of empathy, too. I get a 'feel' for people. I can figure out how to like anyone.

Finally:
I'm eager for life. I want adventure, stories, a rush. I want to have fun.

Aside from these three ... I guess I should note that I'm a good thinker. I'm methodical; I'm good with puzzles.
I have a decent short-term memory, too.
But these particular skills have only been a source of tremendous, game-ending pressure.

I wouldn't do without them, I guess ...
But still, I don't really want to celebrate them here, like this.
They aren't things I've "always sort of liked" anyway.

So! Now to focus more regularly on these three characteristics.
I have got to remember that I believe I'm worth it.
If ever I waver I'll just focus on how much I want a partner in life ...
And I'm sure I'll find the will to push through.

---
Mr. S