Wanting to want to

I'm sorry; I missed two days.
I was "away from computer", really, but ... I could have tried harder.

Mr. Shifters and I had a long talk last Saturday ...

We worked on our definition of love -
Love is soul, invested in another soul; tying you to that person forever. Our addition?
If you tie yourself to another person, and then fight that connection ... love sours and eventually becomes hate.

Anyways, that's the sort of stuff we kick around.

One of those things --- could a computer ever be said to have a soul?
We imagine that AI will have to be a lot more complex than some sort of 'IF/THEN' insanity.
Eventually our talk boiled down into:
What is emotion? Really?
Yeah, not a TREMENDOUS segue; but I think it led to something nonetheless.

I've been thinking about it. What if emotion is more than a bodily response?
Suppose it's actually an answer to some of the questions posted here?

I tie myself down ALL the time. It's what I do to protect myself.
It's why I won't do drugs.
I don't want to feel out of control.

I poked around on Match.com. There's a woman on there ... everything I want.
Maybe ...
I need to embrace how much I want this.

Why should I ever do anything? Because I want to. That's all the answer I need.
Time to get out of control.
(Not with drugs. :P)

There's a lot chained to the wall up here ---
It's time to break it loose.

---
Mr. S

ps. Oh, also, I love the blues. Blues scales are fun!

Never met a trend I didn't dread

Played a few new songs on the keyboard today. One of them in particular sounds awful with both hands ... I'm fairly certain I'm doing it right, too. Maybe it's a tempo thing (I can't do it very fast yet).

I'm beginning to wonder if I can make it a whole three weeks here with my parents. I think I've gained 10 pounds in four days.
I need to figure out a way to exercise. And a way to tell Dad to stop making meals that feature hamburger grease without hurting his feelings.

Money's suddenly tight, too ...

It's weird, but it seems I already need a new gameplan.

---
Mr. S

Weekend madness

Played through the songs a couple times ... it's still fun!

I'm really looking forward to the weekend. Probably for the first time in a long time. Why? The shenanigans!

This is way out of character for me.

Maybe this is about reestablishing a connection to life and the people that live it?

... Maybe this means I've lost some patience with the boring week.

---
Mr. S

What's next?

I did pretty well today.
I didn't read any more ... but I'm going to have to slow that down, anyway.

I want to have a sense of some ability before I move on, after all.
Playing with both hands is a whole new game!

(I played with that for a long time today--and I think I'm getting the hang of the basics.)

I got everything done that I set out to do.
Now I'm wondering about my next step, relationship-wise.

---
Mr. S

Helpful book

Read a little more ...
So far, I've only been eyeballing sheet music.

I can read the music, but double notes ... and two hands? I've been skipping right over anything like that ...

This book has put an effective end to that.
This book has some great sheet music for beginners.

Big difference in difficulty ... big difference in sound. I'm on my way. :)

I answered an ad in craigslist yesterday as an "anime fan".
I may have made a friend - but what I'd really like to do is turn this one contact into a new club.

---
Mr. S

New book

Ok, so no luck on the craigslist ad.
Tons of ad-bots on there: "meet me on this other, not so free site".

The only real response I got hasn't replied to my reply.

Oh well, just gotta keep on trying. :)

I did manage to make it to the library today. I picked up a more, uh, ergonomic piano text.
This one has clipart - it will be much easier to read. :S

I'm already on page 43.
(You know, I could have sworn that the Moonlight Sonata was a Mozart piece. Beethoven was the man.)

---
Mr. S

Personal Ad on Craigslist

I decided to go for it - I put a personal ad on craigslist.
Lots of bots on the site, but at least one real person answered.

We'll see. I doubt I'll get much luck on the site, but who knows?
Women that didn't need to pay to talk to me ... seems a little less spooky this way.

Tomorrow I'll crack open the "Progressive Class Piano" textbook ...
You know, I think I'll hit up the library too. Maybe I'll print off the blues chord progression.

Anyone know the name of the "creepy carnival" song? That'd be a kick to play.

---
Mr. S

My trip to the Buddhist temple

My trip to the Buddhist temple was something of a disappointment.

I'm not sure exactly what I expected, but it wasn't what I found.
Nobody there was speaking English; nobody was white.

It felt as though I was trespassing in the last refuge of a cornered culture.

Oh well, at least now I can say I poked my head around the mystery.

---
Mr. S

Screw the silly title themes

I'm sorry for leaving this project so soon after I started it.
Life got in the way - my destiny sort of derailed.

Two of three classes were failed this semester.

I don't have that edge - I'm not fierce. I can't make things happen for myself.

So I've been doing a lot of soul searching.
What do I want out of life ... if I can't rely on an education to get me there?

I'm not going to lie. For a long time, the answer was nothing. I wanted nothing. To die.

I used to believe in magic, you know.
I used to believe that when it rained, it did so because some one out there needed it to.

I want that back. From here on, my reason for living will be to rediscover my reason for living. I have to believe again.

I'm going to start doing things just to get out of my skin. Tomorrow, I'll visit the Buddhist monastery. The day after, who knows?
Something wondrous and, above all, different.

I still want to play the piano ... there's magic there, I know it ...

---
Mr. S

Tomorrow

is another weekday!

A lot of things are coming to a head. I will not give up, no matter what!

---
Mr. Smith

I fell

asleep yesterday and just kept right on sleeping.
I walked the dogs and then, wham!
Hit the hay like a ton of bricks.

*sigh

It was great!
It's been awhile since I've had a full night's sleep. :D

I'm looking for some good blues music for the piano/keyboard. It's soulful. The blues progression will help me with chords; it's definitely a two-handed music.

Tomorrow I'm hitting the books with a vengeance. I'm going to study. I'm aiming for a 100%.

I got the bike trailer in the mail--this will mean being a better master to the girls (my dogs) and getting some exercise.

---
Mr. S