I broke a tooth today.
I called the dentist to schedule an appointment - but there wasn't anything available, they said; I'd have to travel to the next town.
This didn't sit well with Mom and she offered to talk to the insurance company herself ...
I did NOT want her to this. I was satisfied.
We had a bit of a tense argument.
I gave in --- and BAM!
She got me an appointment here, in city.
Made me feel like a damned fool!
Screw the insurance company, screw mom, and screw me. Aaargh!
I've been thinking.
I'm in no shape to be in a relationship right now.
But I want to be in a relationship. Right now.
I've been trying to let my desires drive me to the 'how' part (see yesterday's post):
Every problem I have ever had can be connected to my self-image.
I hate myself.
And I live in agony for it.
I want a girlfriend ... but I don't want HER to have ME.
Regina Spektor's On The Radio
No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again
Maybe this is the essence of what it takes to love somebody.
Mr. Shifters and I believe that love is a connection that comes from giving away a piece of your soul.
Maybe this is the piece that you give ...
Either way, it's not untrue that you need to love yourself before you can ever love someone else.
Self-study is a major part of my world. It's why I believe we are on this earth.
I've always thought that I have it in me to be redeemed.
Time to figure out why.
---
Mr. S
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Wow, those last two sentences were pretty powerful.
ReplyDelete"I've always thought that I have it in me to be redeemed. Time to figure out why."
All of my answers would be religious, and I'm not sure how appropriate it would be to share them here, or if you really want to hear them. Especially when I am not the best example of those answers, based on my own struggles.
Any way you believe, though, we as humans all have redeemable qualities. We have a great capacity for good. And you have one of the greatest capacities for good of anyone that I've met.
Once you can love yourself, you will be a great catch for the woman who finally snares you out of the waters.
Mr. Shifters